How I dread talking about marriage! I'm hesitant to do it because I'm worried that once I really dive into the topic, it will create a lot of work for me and others. The terrible mess caused by the cursed papal law has led to so much trouble, and the weak authority of both the church and the government has caused so many awful problems and false situations, that I'd rather not even think about it or hear about it. But being timid doesn't help in a crisis; I have to move forward. I need to try to guide confused consciences and address the issue bravely. This sermon is divided into three parts.
Part One
In the first part, we will look at who can marry each other. To do this correctly, let's focus on Genesis 1:27: "So God created man… male and female he created them" (Gen. 1:27). From this, we can be sure that God divided humanity into two groups: male and female, or a he and a she. He found this so pleasing that he called it a good creation (Gen. 1:31). Therefore, each of us must accept the kind of body God has given us. I can't make myself a woman, and you can't make yourself a man; we don't have that power. We are exactly as he created us: I am a man, and you are a woman. Furthermore, he wants us to honor his excellent work as his divine creation and not look down on it. A man should not look down on or make fun of a woman or her body, and a woman should not do the same to a man. Instead, each should respect the other's image and body as a divine and good creation that pleases God himself.
In the second place, after God made man and woman, he blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply" (Gen. 1:28). From this passage, we can be sure that man and woman should and must come together to have children. This command is just as unchangeable as the first one and should not be ignored or mocked, since God blesses it and does something beyond just creating. So, just as I can't choose not to be a man, I also can't choose to be without a woman. Similarly, just as you can't choose not to be a woman, you also can't choose to be without a man. It's not a matter of free choice or decision but a natural and necessary thing that a man must have a woman and a woman must have a man.
When God says, "Be fruitful and multiply," it's not just a command. It's more like a divine rule that we can't stop or ignore. It's as essential as being human, and even more necessary than sleeping, eating, drinking, or using the bathroom. It's a natural part of us, just like the body parts involved in it. So, just like God doesn't command anyone to be a man or a woman but creates them as they are, He doesn't command them to multiply but creates them so they naturally do. Even when people try to resist this, it still happens through things like fornication, adultery, and secret sins, because it's a matter of nature, not choice.
In the third place, God has made an exception for three types of people from this rule of creation. In Matthew 19:12, it says, "There are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven." Apart from these three groups, no one should assume they can be without a spouse. Anyone who doesn't fall into one of these categories should only consider marriage. Otherwise, it's impossible for you to stay righteous. The Word of God, which created you and said, "Be fruitful and multiply," remains and governs within you; you cannot ignore it, or you will end up committing terrible sins endlessly. (Matt. 19:12)
From this, you can now see how valid all cloister vows really are. No vow made by a young man or woman is valid before God, except for those in the three categories that God alone has set apart. Therefore, priests, monks, and nuns must abandon their vows whenever they realize that God's command to be fruitful and multiply is strong within them. They have no authority, law, command, or vow that can stop what God has created within them. If they try to stop it, you can be sure they won't stay pure but will end up falling into secret sins or fornication. They simply can't resist God's word and command within them. Things will happen as God has planned.
In the first category, which Christ refers to as “eunuchs who have been so from birth,” these are people we call impotent. They are naturally unable to produce offspring because they are physically unable or have some other bodily issue that makes them unfit for marriage. This can happen to both men and women. We don't need to consider these cases because God has exempted them, and they haven't been given the ability to multiply. The command, "Be fruitful and multiply," doesn't apply to them, just like when God creates someone who is crippled or blind, that person isn't required to walk or see because they can't (Matt. 19:12; Gen. 1:28).
I once wrote some advice for those who hear confessions, specifically for situations where a husband or wife comes seeking guidance. This advice was for cases where a spouse is unable to fulfill their marital duties, yet the other cannot do without it because they feel that God's command to multiply is still active within them (Gen. 1:28). Some have accused me of teaching that if a husband cannot satisfy his wife's sexual desire, she should go to someone else. Let the liars spread their lies. Christ's and his apostles' words were twisted; should they not also twist my words? They will surely find out who will be harmed by this.
What I said was this: if a woman who is ready for marriage has a husband who is not, and she can't openly take another husband and doesn't want to do anything dishonorable since the pope in such a case demands a lot of unnecessary testimony and evidence, she should say to her husband, "Look, my dear husband, you can't fulfill your marital duty toward me; you have taken away my maidenhood and even put my honor and my soul's salvation at risk; in the sight of God, there is no real marriage between us. Allow me the privilege of secretly marrying your brother or closest relative, and you keep the title of husband so that your property won't go to strangers. Agree to being voluntarily betrayed by me, as you have betrayed me without my consent."
The second group, those whom Christ says "have been made eunuchs by men" (Matt. 19:12), are the castrated individuals, and they are unfortunate. Even though they can't get married, they still struggle with evil desires. They often seek the company of women more than before and tend to be quite effeminate. It's like the saying, "He who cannot sing always insists upon singing." So, they are troubled by a desire for women but can't fulfill that desire. Let's move past them as well, because they too are separated from the natural command to be fruitful and multiply, although this is due to an act of violence.
The third group includes those spiritually rich and elevated people, guided by God's grace, who are naturally and physically capable of marriage but choose to remain celibate. They say, "I could marry if I wanted to, I am capable of it. But it doesn't interest me. I would rather focus on the kingdom of heaven, meaning the gospel, and have spiritual children." Such people are rare, not one in a thousand, because they are a special miracle from God. No one should attempt such a life unless they are specifically called by God, like Jeremiah (Jer. 16:2), or unless they find God's grace so strong within them that the command, "Be fruitful and multiply," doesn't apply to them.
Beyond these three categories, the devil, working through people, has been craftier than God and found more individuals whom he has pulled away from God's natural order. These are the ones caught in a web of human rules and vows, locked away behind heavy iron bars and bolts. This is a fourth way of going against nature, preventing it from following God's command to produce offspring and multiply (Gen. 1:28), as if we could control virginity like we do shoes and clothing! If people can really go against God's word and creation with iron bars and bolts, then I would hope we could also make bars so thick and strong that women would turn into men or people into sticks and stones. It's the devil who plays these tricks on poor creatures, letting out his anger.
In the fourth place, let's now think about who can marry each other, so you can see that it's not my wish or intention to break up a marriage or separate a husband and wife. The pope, in his canon law, has come up with eighteen different reasons to prevent or dissolve a marriage, almost all of which I reject and criticize. In fact, the pope himself doesn't even stick to them so strictly, as you can undo any of them with enough gold and silver. They were really just created to be a trap for money and a snare for the soul (2 Pet. 2:14). To show how foolish they are, we'll look at all eighteen of them one by one.
The first obstacle is blood relationship. Here, they have forbidden marriage up to the third and fourth degrees of family relation. If you don't have money, then even though God allows it, you still can't marry your female relative within the third and fourth degrees, or you must separate from her if you are already married. But if you have the money, such a marriage is allowed. These sellers offer women who were never theirs to begin with. To help you stand against this tyranny, I will now list the people whom God has forbidden, according to Leviticus 18:6-13: my mother, my stepmother; my sister, my stepsister; my child's daughter or stepdaughter; my father's sister; my mother's sister. I am not allowed to marry any of these people.
From this, it follows that first cousins can have a godly and Christian marriage, and I can marry my stepmother's sister, my father's stepsister, or my mother's stepsister. Additionally, I can marry the daughter of my brother or sister, just like Abraham married Sarah. None of these people are forbidden by God, because God doesn't calculate according to degrees like the legal experts do, but instead lists specific people directly. Otherwise, since my father's sister and my brother's daughter are related to me in the same degree, I would have to say either that I can't marry my brother's daughter or that I can also marry my father's sister. Now, God has forbidden my father's sister, but he hasn't forbidden my brother's daughter, even though both are related to me in the same degree. We also find in Scripture that there weren't such strict prohibitions regarding various stepsisters. For example, Tamar, Absalom's sister, thought she could have married her stepbrother Amnon (2 Sam. 13:13).
The second obstacle is the relationship through marriage. They have set up four degrees of restriction, so that after my wife's death, I can't marry someone related to her up to the third and fourth degrees, unless I pay money to get around it! But God has only forbidden certain people: my father's brother's wife, my son's wife, my brother's wife, my stepdaughter, the child of my stepson or stepdaughter, and my wife's sister while my wife is still alive (Lev. 18:14-18). I can't marry any of these people, but I can marry others without paying for the privilege. For example, I can marry the sister of my deceased wife or fiancée, the daughter of my wife's brother, the daughter of my wife's cousin, and any of my wife's nieces, aunts, or cousins. In the Old Testament, if a brother died without leaving an heir, his widow had to marry his closest relative to provide her deceased husband with an heir (Deut. 25:5-9). This is no longer required, but it's not forbidden either.
The third obstacle is a spiritual relationship. If I sponsor a girl at baptism or confirmation, then neither I nor my son can marry her, her mother, or her sister, unless a significant amount of money is paid! This is nothing but pure nonsense and foolishness, made up for the sake of money and to confuse people's consciences. Just tell me this: isn't it a bigger deal for me to be baptized myself than just to act as a sponsor for someone else? Then I should be forbidden to marry any Christian woman, since all baptized women are the spiritual sisters of all baptized men because of their shared baptism, sacrament, faith, Spirit, Lord, God, and eternal inheritance (Eph. 4:4-6).
Why doesn't the pope also forbid a man from keeping his wife if he teaches her the gospel? Because whoever teaches someone else becomes that person's spiritual father. St. Paul proudly says in 1 Corinthians 4:15 that he is the father of all of them, saying, "I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel." Based on this, he couldn't have taken a wife in Corinth, and neither could any apostle have taken a wife from among those they taught and baptized.
So let's get rid of this nonsense; marry whoever you want, whether it's a godparent, godchild, or the daughter or sister of a sponsor, or anyone else, and ignore these fake, money-driven obstacles. If you're not stopped from marrying a girl because she's a Christian, then don't let the fact that you baptized her, taught her, or acted as her sponsor stop you either. Especially avoid that silly practice, confirmation, which is really just a made-up trick. I would allow confirmation as long as it's understood that God knows nothing about it and hasn't said anything about it, and what the bishops claim about it isn't true. They insult our God when they say it's one of God's sacraments, because it's entirely a human invention.
The fourth obstacle is legal kinship. This means that when an unrelated child is adopted as a son or daughter, they can't later marry a child born to their adoptive parents, because legally, they are considered siblings. In God's eyes, this adopted person is neither your mother nor your sister, since there is no blood relationship. She does help out in the kitchen and contributes to the household income; that's why she's been put on the forbidden list!
The fifth obstacle is unbelief; meaning, I shouldn't marry a Turk, a Jew, or a heretic. I'm amazed that these blasphemous tyrants aren't ashamed in their hearts to go against the clear words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:12-13, where he says, "If a non-Christian wife or husband agrees to live with a Christian spouse, the Christian should not get a divorce." And St. Peter, in 1 Peter 3:1, says that Christian wives should behave so well that they convert their non-Christian husbands; just like Monica, the mother of St. Augustine.
The sixth obstacle is crime. They can't agree on how many examples of this obstacle they should create. However, there are really just these three: if someone sleeps with a girl, he can't later marry her sister, aunt, niece, or cousin; also, whoever commits adultery with a woman can't marry her after her husband dies; and if a wife (or husband) murders her spouse for love of someone else, she can't marry the person she loves afterward. This is just foolishness piled on foolishness. Don't believe them, and don't be fooled by them; they are under the devil's control. Sins and crimes should be punished, but with different penalties, not by forbidding marriage. Therefore, no sin or crime is an obstacle to marriage. David committed adultery with Bathsheba, Uriah's wife, and even had her husband killed. He was guilty of both crimes, yet he married her and had King Solomon with her (2 Sam. 11), and he didn't pay the pope anything!
The seventh obstacle they call public decorum or respectability. For example, if my fiancée dies before we consummate the marriage, I am not allowed to marry any of her relatives up to the fourth degree. This is because the pope believes, or perhaps imagines, that it is decent and respectable for me to avoid doing so—unless I pay a fee, in which case the obstacle of public decorum disappears. You heard earlier that after my wife's death, I can marry her sister or any of her relatives, except for her mother and daughter. Stick to this, and let the fools go their own way.
The eighth obstacle is a serious vow, like when someone has taken a vow of chastity, either inside or outside a monastery. Here's my advice: if you want to make a smart vow, then vow not to bite off your own nose; that's a vow you can keep. If you've already taken a monastic vow, then, as you've just heard, you should consider whether you fit into the three categories that God has highlighted. If you don't feel like you belong there, then let go of the vows and the monastery. Quickly return to your natural relationships and get married, because your vow goes against God and isn't valid, and say, "I have promised something that I don't have and that isn't mine."
The ninth obstacle is a mistake, like if I thought I was married to Catherine but ended up with Barbara, similar to what happened to Jacob with Leah and Rachel (Gen. 29:23-25). In such a case, one can have this marriage dissolved and marry the other person.
The tenth obstacle is the condition of servitude. If I marry someone who I believe is free, but later find out she is a serf, this marriage is also null and void. However, I believe that if there were Christian love, the husband could easily resolve both of these obstacles so that no significant distress would occur. Moreover, such cases hardly ever happen today, or only very rarely, and both could be grouped into one category: error.
The eleventh obstacle is holy orders, meaning that the tonsure and sacred oil are considered so powerful that they override marriage and take away a man's masculinity. Because of this, a subdeacon, a deacon, and a priest have to give up marriage, even though St. Paul instructed that they can and should be married (1 Tim. 3:2, 12; Titus 1:6). But I have written so much about this elsewhere that there's no need to repeat it here. Their foolishness has been clearly shown; how much this obstacle has helped those in holy orders is obvious to everyone.
The twelfth obstacle is coercion, which is when I'm forced to marry Grete either by my parents or by the government. In God's eyes, that's not a real marriage. However, you shouldn't admit to the coercion and then leave the country because of it, betraying or making a fool of the girl. Being coerced doesn't excuse you. You shouldn't let yourself be forced into harming your neighbor; instead, you should be willing to give up your life rather than act against love. You wouldn't want anyone to harm you, whether they were coerced or not. That's why I can't say that a man who leaves his wife for this reason is right in God's eyes. My friend, if someone forced you to rob or kill me, would that make it right? Why do you give in to coercion that makes you break God's commandment and harm your neighbor? I would easily forgive the girl, though, because, as we'll discuss later, you'd be leaving her through no fault of her own.
The thirteenth issue is engagement, meaning if I'm engaged to one girl but then marry another. This is a common situation with many attempted solutions. First, if the engagement happens without the knowledge and consent of the parents or guardians, then the fiancée's father should decide which girl will be the wife. If the girl is betrayed, it's her own fault because she should know that a child is supposed to be obedient to their father and not get engaged without his knowledge. This way, obeying parental authority will stop all these secret engagements that cause so much unhappiness. If this isn't followed, I believe the man should stay with the first girl. Since he has committed to her, he no longer belongs to himself and can't promise to the second girl something that already belongs to the first and isn't his to give.
If he does this anyway and continues until he has children with her, then he should stay with her. She has also been wronged and would suffer even more than the first girl if he left her. He has sinned against both of them. The first girl, however, can recover from the wrong done to her because she doesn't have children. Out of love, she should let the second girl have him and marry someone else; she is free from the man because he left her and chose another. The man himself should be punished and make amends to the first girl, because what he gave away really belonged to her.
The fourteenth obstacle is the one already mentioned, when a husband or wife is unfit for marriage. Among these eighteen obstacles, this is the only valid reason for ending a marriage. However, it is surrounded by so many laws that it is difficult to achieve with the church authorities.
There are still four more obstacles, like a bishop's prohibition, restricted times, customs, and issues with eyesight and hearing. It's unnecessary to discuss them here. It's a terrible situation when a bishop can forbid me from having a wife or dictate when I can marry, or when a blind and deaf person isn't allowed to get married. That's enough about this nonsense for now in the first part.
Part Two
In the second part, we will look at which people can get divorced. I know of three reasons for divorce. The first reason, which was just mentioned and discussed earlier, is when the husband or wife is not fit for marriage due to physical or natural shortcomings of any kind. Enough has already been said about this.
The second reason is adultery. The popes have not addressed this; so we need to listen to Christ in Matthew 19:3-9. When the Jews asked him if a husband could divorce his wife for any reason, he replied, "Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one'? What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." They asked him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He answered, "Because of your hard hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Matt. 19:3-9)
Here you see that in the case of adultery, Christ allows the divorce of a husband and wife, so the innocent person can remarry. When Christ says that someone commits adultery if they marry another after divorcing their wife, "except for unchastity," he makes it clear that if someone divorces their wife because of unchastity and then marries someone else, they do not commit adultery.
The Jews, however, were divorcing their wives for all kinds of reasons whenever they felt like it, even when there was no unfaithfulness involved. This was so excessive that even they thought it was going too far. So, they asked Christ if it was right; they were testing him to see what he would say about the law of Moses.
In the law of Moses, God set up two types of governments and gave two types of commandments. Some are spiritual, teaching righteousness in God's eyes, like love and obedience. People who followed these commandments didn't divorce their wives and didn't use certificates of divorce; instead, they tolerated and endured their wives' behavior. The others are worldly, created for those who don't live up to the spiritual commandments, to limit their bad behavior and stop them from acting entirely on their own maliciousness. So, he commanded that if they couldn't tolerate their wives, they shouldn't kill or harm them too severely but should dismiss them with a certificate of divorce. This law doesn't apply to Christians, who are supposed to live under the spiritual government. However, for some who live with their wives in an un-Christian way, it might still be good to let them use this law, as long as they are no longer considered Christians, which they really aren't anyway.
So, when it comes to adultery, one person can leave the other. Solomon also says in Proverbs 18:22, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." We see an example of this with Joseph. In Matthew 1:19, the gospel writer praises him as just because he didn't publicly shame his wife when he found out she was pregnant, but instead planned to divorce her quietly. This clearly shows that it's commendable to divorce an adulterous wife. If the adultery is secret, the husband has two options. First, he can privately and kindly confront his wife, and keep her if she changes her ways. Second, he can divorce her, like Joseph intended to do. The same applies to a wife with an adulterous husband. Both of these approaches are Christian and commendable.
But a public divorce, where the innocent party is allowed to remarry, must happen through the investigation and decision of the civil authority so that the adultery is clear to everyone. If the civil authority refuses to act, it should be done with the knowledge of the congregation. This is to prevent anyone from claiming whatever they want as a reason for divorce.
The third reason for divorce is when one partner refuses to be with the other, avoiding their marital responsibilities or refusing to live together. For instance, there are many stubborn wives who won't give in and don't care if their husband falls into unfaithfulness multiple times. In this situation, the husband should say, "If you won't, someone else will; the maid will come if the wife won't." However, the husband should first advise and warn his wife two or three times and make the situation known to others so that her stubbornness becomes widely recognized and is criticized by the community. If she still refuses, he should let her go; find an Esther and let Vashti go, just like King Ahasuerus did (Esther 1:17).
Here, you should pay attention to the words of St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:4-5: "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Notice that St. Paul forbids either person from depriving the other, because by the marriage vow, each gives their body to the other as part of their marital duty. When one person resists the other and refuses this duty, they are taking away the body they promised to the other. This goes against the essence of marriage and can dissolve it. For this reason, the civil government should compel the wife to fulfill her duty or face severe consequences. If the government doesn't act, the husband should consider his wife as having been taken away or lost, and he should seek another. We would certainly have to accept it if someone's life were taken from them. So why shouldn't we also accept it if a wife removes herself from her husband or is taken away by others?
Besides the three reasons for divorce already mentioned, there's one more that could justify a husband and wife separating. However, if they do separate for this reason, they should either stay single or reconcile with each other. This situation occurs when a husband and wife can't get along for reasons other than their marital duties. St. Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, "Not I but the Lord gives charge to the married that the wife should not separate from her husband. But if she does, let her remain single, or else be reconciled to her husband. Likewise, the husband should not divorce his wife." Solomon often complains about such wives in Proverbs and says he has found a woman more bitter than death (Eccles. 7:26). You might also find a rude, brutal, and unbearable husband.
If one of the partners has strong Christian character and can put up with the other's bad behavior, that would definitely be a wonderfully blessed challenge and a true path to heaven. An evil spouse, in a way, acts like the devil and helps cleanse the person who can recognize and endure it. However, if he can't handle it, he should divorce her before doing anything worse and stay unmarried for the rest of his life. If he tries to claim that the fault is not his but his spouse's, and therefore wants to marry someone else, this won't work, because he is obligated to endure hardship or be freed from his burden only by God, since he has not been denied his marital duty. Here, the saying applies, "He who wants a fire must endure the smoke."
What about a situation where someone's wife is unable to fulfill her marital duties because she is very sick? Can he marry someone else? Absolutely not. He should serve the Lord by caring for his sick wife and wait for God's will. Think of this situation as God giving your household a healing opportunity to help you reach heaven. You are truly blessed when you see this as a gift of grace and serve your sick wife for God's sake.
But you might say: I can't stay faithful. That's not true. If you sincerely serve your sick wife, recognize that God has given you this challenge, and thank Him, then you can trust Him to handle things. He will definitely give you the strength so you won't have to deal with more than you can handle. God is too faithful to take your wife away through illness without also helping you control your physical desires, as long as you faithfully serve your sick wife.
Part Three
In the third part, to discuss marriage in a way that helps with the soul's salvation, we will now look at how to live a Christian and godly life in marriage. What we want to focus on is how marriage has become so disrespected everywhere. There are many pagan books that talk only about the wickedness of women and the misery of marriage, to the point that some have thought that even if Wisdom itself were a woman, one should not marry.
Every day, you come across parents who forget their past struggles because, like a mouse that has eaten its fill, they are now content. They discourage their children from getting married and instead push them towards becoming priests or nuns, using the challenges and difficulties of married life as an excuse. In doing so, they lead their own children towards the devil, as we see happening daily; they offer them comfort for the body but damnation for the soul.
Since God had to endure such disrespect for his work from the pagans, he gave them their due punishment, which Paul writes about in Romans 1 (Rom. 1:24-28). He allowed them to fall into immorality and a flood of impurity, so much so that they started abusing not just women but also boys and animals. Even their women engaged in immoral acts with each other. Because they spoke against God's work, he let them have corrupt minds, as shown in the books of the pagans, which are filled with shameless content.
To make sure we're not acting blindly, but instead behaving in a Christian way, remember this first: men and women are created by God. Control your heart and your words; don't criticize his creation or call something bad that he has called good. He knows better than you what is good and beneficial for you, as he says in Genesis, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him" (Gen. 2:18). Here, you see that he calls the woman good, a helper. If you think differently, it's your own fault because you neither understand nor believe God's word and work. This statement from God silences anyone who criticizes and condemns marriage.
For this reason, young men should be careful when they read non-Christian books and hear common complaints about marriage, so they don't absorb harmful ideas. Marriage doesn't sit well with the devil because it is God's good will and work. The world says about marriage, "Brief is the joy, lasting the bitterness." Let them say what they want; what God wills and creates is bound to be mocked by them. The kind of joy and pleasure they have outside of marriage will be something they are very aware of, I suspect, in their consciences.
The ones who understand marriage are those who truly believe that God himself created it, brought husband and wife together, and decided that they should have children and take care of them. They have God's word from Genesis 1:28, and they can be sure that God does not lie. Because of this, they can also be sure that the state of marriage and everything that comes with it—like behavior, actions, and challenges—is pleasing to God. Now tell me, how can the heart find greater goodness, joy, and happiness than in God, when one is sure that their state, actions, and work are pleasing to God?
Now notice that when our natural reason, which is like a clever trickster (and which the pagans followed to try to be very smart), looks at married life, it turns up its nose and says, "Oh no, do I have to rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, deal with its smell, stay up at night with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores, and on top of that care for my wife, provide for her, work at my job, take care of this and that, do this and that, endure this and that, and whatever other bitterness and hard work married life involves? What, should I make such a prisoner of myself? Oh, you poor, miserable guy, have you taken a wife? Ugh, ugh, such misery and bitterness! It's better to stay free and live a peaceful, carefree life; I'll become a priest or a nun and make my children do the same."
What does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks at all these small, unpleasant, and overlooked duties in the Spirit, and realizes that they are all decorated with God's approval, like the most expensive gold and jewels. It says, "O God, because I am sure that you have created me as a human and have given me this child, I also know for sure that it pleases you completely. I admit to you that I am not worthy to rock the little baby or wash its diapers, or to be trusted with the care of the child and its mother. How is it that I, without any merit, have come to this honor of being sure that I am serving your creation and your most precious will? O how gladly will I do so, even if the duties are even more insignificant and despised. Neither cold nor heat, neither hard work nor labor, will bother or discourage me, for I am certain that it is pleasing in your sight."
Now tell me, when a father goes ahead and washes diapers or does some other humble task for his child, and someone mocks him as a weak fool, even though that father is acting with the spirit and Christian faith I just described, tell me, which of the two is really mocking the other? God, along with all his angels and creatures, is smiling—not because the father is washing diapers, but because he's doing it with Christian faith. Those who sneer at him and only see the task, not the faith, are mocking God and all his creatures, acting like the biggest fools on earth. In reality, they are only mocking themselves; with all their supposed cleverness, they are nothing but fools of the devil.
I'm saying this so we can understand how honorable it is to live in the situation that God has set up. In this situation, we find God's word and approval, which makes all the actions, behavior, and hardships of that situation holy, godly, and valuable. Solomon even praises such a person and says in (Prov. 5:18), "Rejoice in the wife of your youth," and again in (Eccl. 9:9), "Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life" [...]
Notice that so far, I haven't said anything about marriage except what the world and human reasoning, in their ignorance, shy away from and mock as a lowly, unhappy, and difficult way of life. We've seen how all these perceived flaws actually include noble virtues and true joy if one looks at God's word and will, and understands its true nature. I won't mention the other benefits and joys in a successful marriage where husband and wife cherish each other, become one, serve each other, and other related blessings, in case someone accuses me of talking about something I haven't experienced and claims there's more bitterness than sweetness in marriage. I base my comments on Scripture, which to me is more reliable than any experience and cannot deceive me. Anyone who finds even more good things in marriage benefits even more and should thank God. Whatever God calls good must always be good, unless people fail to recognize it or misuse it wrongly.
I will skip over the good or bad things that experience might show us and focus only on the good that Scripture and truth attribute to marriage. It's a significant benefit that marriage helps prevent and eliminate fornication and unchastity. This benefit is so great that it should be enough to encourage people to get married right away, for many reasons.
The first reason is that fornication destroys not only the soul but also the body, property, honor, and family. We see how a wild and immoral life not only brings great shame but is also more wasteful and expensive than marriage. Illicit partners cause each other more suffering than married people do. Beyond that, it harms the body, corrupts flesh and blood, nature, and physical health. Through these various harmful effects, God takes a firm stance, as if to drive people away from fornication and into marriage. However, few are convinced or changed by this.
Some people have thought about this and learned from their own experience, so they came up with a great saying: "Early to rise and early to wed; that should no one ever regret." Why? Because from that, people keep a healthy body, a good conscience, property, honor, and family. All of these are so damaged and wasted by fornication that once they're lost, it's almost impossible to get them back—hardly one in a hundred succeeds. This is the benefit Paul mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:2, "To avoid immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband." (1 Cor. 7:2)
Marriage benefits not just the body, property, honor, and soul of a person, but also helps entire cities and countries by keeping them safe from the plagues sent by God. We know very well that the worst plagues have struck lands and people because of fornication. This was the sin that led to the world being flooded in the Deluge (Gen. 6:1-13) and Sodom and Gomorrah being destroyed by fire (Gen. 19:1-24). We can see even now that God continues to send new plagues.
Many people think they can avoid marriage by having their fun for a while and then becoming righteous. My dear friend, if one in a thousand succeeds in this, that would be doing very well. Anyone who plans to live a pure life should start early and achieve it not through fornication, but either by the grace of God or through marriage. We see all too often how they end up every day. It might as well be called diving into immorality rather than growing up. It's the devil who has caused this and created such terrible sayings as, "One has to play the fool at least once," or, "He who doesn't do it in his youth does it in his old age," or, "A young saint, an old devil." These are the thoughts of the poet Terence and other pagans. This is heathenish; they speak like heathens, yes, like devils.
It's definitely true that someone who refuses to marry may struggle with immorality. How could it be any different, since God made man and woman to have children and multiply? Why not prevent immorality by getting married? If someone doesn't have special grace, their nature will push them to have children and multiply. If this doesn't happen in marriage, how else can it happen except through fornication or secret sins? But, some might say, what if I'm neither married nor immoral and force myself to stay celibate? Don't you understand that self-restraint is impossible without special grace? God's word doesn't allow for restraint, and it doesn't lie when it says, "Be fruitful and multiply" (Gen. 1:28). You can't escape or stop yourself from being fruitful and multiplying; it's God's command and it will happen.
But the greatest benefit in married life, the thing that makes all the struggles and hard work worthwhile, is that God gives children and commands that they be raised to worship and serve Him. In the whole world, this is the most noble and precious work because nothing is more important to God than the salvation of souls. Since we are all obligated to face death, if necessary, to bring even one soul to God, you can see how rich the state of marriage is in good works. God has entrusted to marriage the souls born from it, on whom it can bestow all kinds of Christian works. Certainly, fathers and mothers are apostles, bishops, and priests to their children, because they are the ones who introduce them to the gospel. In short, there is no greater or more noble authority on earth than that of parents over their children, as this authority is both spiritual and worldly. Whoever teaches the gospel to another is truly their apostle and bishop. Mitres, staffs, and large estates may create idols, but teaching the gospel creates apostles and bishops. See, therefore, how good and great God's work and command is!
Finally, we have a major objection to address. People say it would be great to get married, but how will I support myself? I have nothing; should I take a wife and live on that? Undoubtedly, this is the biggest obstacle to marriage; it's the main reason that prevents and breaks up marriages and is the chief excuse for fornication. What can I say to this objection? It shows a lack of faith and doubt in God's goodness and truth. It's no surprise that where faith is missing, nothing but fornication and all sorts of misfortune follow. They lack faith because they want to be sure of their material resources first, like where they will get their food, drink, and clothing (Matt. 6:31). Yes, they want to avoid the challenge of Genesis 3:19, "In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread." They want to be lazy, greedy people who don't need to work. Therefore, they will only get married if they can find wives who are rich, beautiful, pious, kind—indeed, wait, we'll have a picture of them drawn for you.
Let those non-believers go their own way; we won't argue with them. Even if they manage to get such wives, the marriages would still be un-Christian and without faith. They trust in God only as long as they feel they don't need Him and have everything they need. Anyone who wants to get married as a Christian shouldn't be embarrassed about being poor, looked down upon, or doing simple work. They should find satisfaction in two things: first, that their status and job are pleasing to God; second, that God will definitely provide for them if they do their work as best as they can, and that, even if they can't be a noble or a prince, they can be a servant or a maid.
In the first chapter of Genesis, God clearly shows how He takes care of us. He created everything in heaven and on earth, including animals and plants, before He made humans. This demonstrates that He has always provided enough food and clothing for us, even before we ask for it. All we need to do is work and not be lazy, and we will definitely have food and clothes. But sadly, some people refuse to believe this. Even though they see, understand, and feel that worrying won't help them grow or keep even a single grain of wheat in the field, they still don't believe. They know that even if their storehouses are overflowing, they can't use a single piece of food or clothing unless God keeps them alive and healthy and protects their belongings. Yet, this doesn't change their unbelief.
To sum it up: if someone finds they aren't suited for a celibate life, they should quickly find something to do and work on. Then, in God's name, they should go ahead and get married. A young man should marry by the age of twenty at the latest, and a young woman between fifteen and eighteen. That's when they are in good health and best suited for marriage. Let God handle how they and their children will be provided for. God creates children, so he will surely also provide for them. If he doesn't lift you and them up here on earth, be content knowing that he has given you a Christian marriage, and trust that he will lift you up. Be thankful to him for his gifts and blessings.
Even though I've been praising married life, I don't mean to say that it's free from sin. In fact, I believe that our human nature, corrupted through Adam, is conceived and born in sin, as it says in (Ps. 51:5). Intercourse is never without sin; however, God forgives it by His grace because marriage is His creation. He maintains and blesses all the good that He has placed in marriage, even through the sin.
